so, this is the new year. [31 Dec 2004|11:42pm] [ mood | pensive ] [ music | action action. ] it's the new year, and i'll be sitting alone in my room, drowning out the cacaphony from below with a pair of headphones. i'm not anti-social, i'm just not feeling any vibe of celebration this year. why should a person celebrate when it's the new year, and nothing has changed for the better? i am now thinking that new year's resolutions would be a great tradition to start, because otherwise there won't be a new year. everything will stay the same, and people will still submit to the habbits that that destroy them. and i'll sit alone forever. i don't want to sit alone forever.. 13 people will be afraid of the devil.

oh boy. [25 Oct 2004|03:05pm] [ mood | ahah amused. ] [ music | the elected - go on ] today in english class my teacher chose me to read the narrator part of "the miracle worker." the damned author had to describe hellen "fingering" some object i'm insure of and annie "cocking" her head. so yes, out of my own immaturity and perversion, i couldn't help myself. i sat there, laughing as everyone was real quiet and my teacher was wondering what the fuck was going on in my head. i seriously could not contain myself. my teacher had to continue reading for me. 21 people will be afraid of the devil.

new york city. [11 Oct 2004|11:24pm] [ mood | haha.. ] [ music | the starting line. ] today was the first day that i've ever went to new york city alone. i got on the train and walked about 20 blocks to meet my cousin. we had zen palate, went to some stores, saw the singer of my chemical romance, checked out some hot punk rock boys and went to starbucks. it was a really good time. before any of this happened, i found out that i have a celebrety look-alike. okay, so what, it's a female. i was walking down the block and there was a group of black men getting drunk and stoned. after i walked by they were yelling at me "Ayee come back kelly osbourne, i want your autograph!" ( what do you think about this? ) 23 people will be afraid of the devil.

fragments. [08 Oct 2004|08:14pm] the night that i died was the night i realized that i have always been the most powerful person in my life. it was a night of autumn when i went for a walk to my own spot where i was always alone as a human. i say that i was always alone as a human, because the spot was always occupied by crickets and sleeping birds and the breeze of the wind. i arrived at my spot and thought to myself. i built a ladder to the top of the tallest pine tree. i climed the ladder and stood at the very top branch; the one that you can see pointing upwards. i stood on the top branch. i closed my eyes and let the wind blow through my hair. at this point i was the most powerful person in the world. i leaned backwards and let my body fall. i was a feather falling through the cool air- gracefully swaying back and forth in the darkness. for a split second, i turned into a brick just so i could hit the ground. when my body was dead on the ground, it acquired once again the grace it held when it was falling through the air. blood streamed out of my mouth untill it formed a pond for me to float upon. the sleeping birds awoke. they floated on top of my pond and occasionally pecked at scattered fragments of my skull. they were playful in my blood. the crickets gathered around to sing their songs of mourning. they performed their own death ritual. i became a part of the earth. i was the cement, the broken glass, the dirt and the grass. in the early morning hours, the sun came up. my blood evaporated into the clouds. the birds flew back into their trees, and the crickets stopped singing. 6 people will be afraid of the devil.

damn kids. [03 Oct 2004|12:40pm] [ mood | way too many. ] [ music | the alkaline trio : emma ] my parents went away for their anniversary. of course, when your parents go away, you throw a party. i must say the party was amazing, and i was so drunk i was spinning. it was the best and worst time ever, all in one night. i invited fifteen people. only two of them showed up. madeleine and brittany are cool kids, and they were the only people who actually cared about being there with me. dan is such a fucking scum bag. i love him so much. i'm just never going to talk to him ever again. he fucked me over one too many times by now. he tells me a week before how this party is gonna be so awesome, he can't wait. so he comes with his friend ryan. he actually only makes it half way down my block before he sees a group of people. instead of even coming to my house or even saying hi, he forgot all about me to go hang out with his other friends. it's such a shame, though. i can't beleive he could still insist that he is my best friend or that he loves me. how could he say that i am first? you don't fuck over a person that you love. definately not 4 or 5 times. so that friendship is over for now, because i'm not going to give energy to care about someone who doesn't give a shit about me. besides, i bore him. i'm thinking about becoming a recluse. if friends come and go, and if nothing matters in a year or even a few months, then what the fuck is the point in even bothing with people? i'm going to be so alone for a while now. 5 people will be afraid of the devil.

make my phone ring. [28 Sep 2004|07:47pm] [ mood | sick.. bored. ] [ music | jack off jill : fear of dying ] my phone barely ever rings. it makes me happy when i get a call out of no where, so you should definately hit it. 5169729112. <3 9 people will be afraid of the devil.

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